Pork Swinerton
President & Chief Executive Officer
Pork Maldonado Swinerton is the president and chief executive officer of Red Herrington Incorporated, one of the nation’s largest private companies.
Following his accession to the title, and his firing of 98% of the company’s employees, Mr. Swinerton has led Red Herrington through the most prosperous two months in its 250-year history. Stock prices have tripled in the last two days, and do not show signs of stopping.
Mr. Swinterton pioneered the creation of the Revenue Box 6000-X, out of which our profit sheets are printed. Following the invention of that pivotal device, we have reached the largest ratio of expenditures to net profit in the history of everything. Please join us in celebrating the naming of Red Herrington by Forbes Magazine as the year’s Most Inscrutable Company.
His hobbies include horse racing, chess, reading, polo, land golf, regular golf, painting, ‘gator rasslin’, piloting his small fleet of light aircraft, writing sitcoms, attending the theater, voting in the Academy Awards, driving his electric cars into trees, shooting fish in a barrel, officiating cruise ship weddings, and sailing his cruise ships into trees.
Within the company, Mr. Swinerton has laid plans for putting chairs in the lobby, which has sparked playful office gossip about the color of the padding. We’ll know the answer at the start of Q3 next year. Cross your fingers, everybody.
He made vast improvements to the sixth-floor dining room menu by employing a chef and a busboy, a first for the company. Mr. Swinerton is also spearheading a new project, codename: THAT THING. For legal reasons, we can’t reveal any more information on the project beyond a cryptic reference to help move the plot along.
Mr. Swinerton, along with his fleet of robotic air-dogs, resides in a huge glass house simultaneously overlooking the poorest neighborhoods of East Los Angeles and Detroit. It’s a very big house.
Pork Swinerton
President & Chief Executive Officer
Pork Maldonado Swinerton is the president and chief executive officer of Red Herrington Incorporated, one of the nation’s largest private companies.
Following his accession to the title, and his firing of 98% of the company’s employees, Mr. Swinerton has led Red Herrington through the most prosperous two months in its 250-year history. Stock prices have tripled in the last two days, and do not show signs of stopping.
Mr. Swinterton pioneered the creation of the Revenue Box 6000-X, out of which our profit sheets are printed. Following the invention of that pivotal device, we have reached the largest ratio of expenditures to net profit in the history of everything. Please join us in celebrating the naming of Red Herrington by Forbes Magazine as the year’s Most Inscrutable Company.
His hobbies include horse racing, chess, reading, polo, land golf, regular golf, painting, ‘gator rasslin’, piloting his small fleet of light aircraft, writing sitcoms, attending the theater, voting in the Academy Awards, driving his electric cars into trees, shooting fish in a barrel, officiating cruise ship weddings, and sailing his cruise ships into trees.
Within the company, Mr. Swinerton has laid plans for putting chairs in the lobby, which has sparked playful office gossip about the color of the padding. We’ll know the answer at the start of Q3 next year. Cross your fingers, everybody.
He made vast improvements to the sixth-floor dining room menu by employing a chef and a busboy, a first for the company. Mr. Swinerton is also spearheading a new project, codename: THAT THING. For legal reasons, we can’t reveal any more information on the project beyond a cryptic reference to help move the plot along.
Mr. Swinerton, along with his fleet of robotic air-dogs, resides in a huge glass house simultaneously overlooking the poorest neighborhoods of East Los Angeles and Detroit. It’s a very big house.